Dear Bradley,
It’s hard to believe that fifteen years ago today, you passed away. Well, it’s hard to believe that I actually had a twin brother. Not remembering you is one of the reasons why I get so upset. We were both together from day one and I’d love to have grown up with you here. I know that you would’ve been the BEST brother EVER. Every day, I think about what my day would’ve been like if you were around
. I think about what life would be like if you were here.
It’s weird that even though I don’t know you, I love you so much. I would love to have got to know you; what you like and what you don’t like. I also wonder what you would look like now. 
I love looking at the few photos we have of you but, I also hate it. You never really came home from the hospital; you were never really home for more than a few hours. Most of the photos we have of you are at the hospital where you were surrounded by the nurses that became family. In most of the photos you were attached to different machines, helping you to live, I hate looking at the photos because of this. Were you suffering? You had a chromosome disorder called cri cu chat. This affected your movement and speech along with other things.
I’ve written a few songs about you and how I wish you were here but, I usually end up crying or something when I write/sing them. I hope that other people understand the songs and can relate to them.
A few days ago, mom told me about the day you died. She still remembers everything but, how could she forget? Apparently Dad was at work and the hospital rang, straight away, my mom asked, “He’s going, isn’t he?”
She knew that when we got there my sister would be hungry so, while we waited for my uncle to pick us up, mom wrapped up the jacket potatoes that had been cooking. When we got the hospital, My nan stood in the door holding our sisters hand and my Aunty held me in her arms while, you passed away in moms arms. Mom still believes that before you left us you looked up at her, even though you couldn’t control your head movement. When Dad got to the hospital, nobody had to tell him, he knew as soon as he walked into the room. It was your nurse’s day off but, she came into the hospital. You were her first long term patient and the day after you died, she quit her job.
Our Mom is one of the strongest people I know, she’s amazing! She managed to look after Sarah and I even when she was losing you. I honestly don’t know how she did that. How could she cope with losing one twin and having the other as a reminder? Mom thinks that she is the worst role model ever because she hasn’t always got the money to get Sarah and I the things that we want but, to me, she is the best role model ever and I do not know what I would do if mom wasn’t around.
I always feel like it could be me that isn’t here so, as weird as it sounds, I want to live my life for the both of us. I want to make people around me proud of the things I’ve done and most of all, I want mom to be happy with me. Even though you’re not here with us, I know you’re watching over us. Just as your grave stone says, ‘Now you can fly with the angels in Heaven.’ I know that you’re up there, watching us every day and you’re with the whole family for all the special events and I know that you’ll continue to be there for us all.
You’re my twin and each year on our birthday I can’t help but miss you even more than usual. I don’t exactly feel like celebrating by myself, you should be there with me having fun.
Whenever we go to the cemetery, I read what your grave stone says even though I already know what is written on it. You’re right at the top of the hill along with all of the other babies. There are twins and triplets up there too. Every time we drive past the cemetery I always look in the direction of your grave for as long as possible. It just gives me chance to think about you and it makes me feel closer to you.
You are Dads first son and a few days ago he posted a Facebook status about you that I read and cried at. It said ‘He wasn’t special needs, just special. Although my son may be at Gods side, the precious memories are very special.’ Dad has never said anything like that before so, I was kind of shocked! Our Half-brothers Owain and Dylan know a bit about you but, I’m sure Dad will talk to them about you soon when they’ll be able to understand what happened
Mom says you will always be her little boy and I just say I want you back here with us. I always hear people talking about how they would like a twin well; I just want my twin back! I’ll never stop missing you so, don’t expect me to. You’re one of the best people that has ever been in my life.
Love from
Your twin sister, Laura xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxBradley James Gronow
29.11.1995 – 13.02.1997
More information about cri du chat: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cri_du_chat
One of the songs I wrote about my brother:
Donate to a cri du chat charity: http://www.criduchat.org.uk/
